one week

It's been a full week hasn't it, since I last posted here (warning:this is kind of straight from my thoughts so
It's had maybe 10 seperate titles it's a little stream of conciousness)
maybe one hundred different subjects
and probably 1000 failed attempts, to write here
In here there was gonna be, pride, guilt, questions, dreams, thoughts, but now I don't know it all feels kind of ironic half the things I feared so cuz I worried someone would worry well, I ended up saying it to that person and only that person, so now I'm like well whats the point of not saying anything anymore, but just really don't feel like typing much and the pride the thing. It wasn't that he asked me that I was gay that bothered me tons of people have done that it was the fact that he made a whole scheme and speech to ask me. Alright so, yea I kind of agree that a bunch of guys are jerks and what not, I tend to always defend the wrong side, but no seriously this time guys really seemed to be getting screwed over this week, I mean ugg I'm not really sure what I'm saying but too many girls just seem like there just being mean to guys, for whatever reason, ok sorry no one who reads this I think, is being talked about, and certainly no one to me cuz then I'ld be all like ehh I prob deserve it. Anyhow meh I think my rantings gone, ok lets see o dreams didn't cover that yet actually more than dreams it was weird waking up the last few times I've woken up early like 2ish its been really weird, but the plus side is that I've been getting good sleep most nights now, so yay. Like one night I woke up and you would have thought it had been from a nightmare the whole open eyes wide, gasp for air thing, but I didn't feel scared or have any idea of what I was dreaming the next time I woke up at two and I had this song in my head I could have sworn it was playing but I must have been humming it, and I hadn't heard the song for like 2 weeks, so I don't know, but it kind of reminds me of the Grapes of Wrath ironically well hopefully Diedres' past this part when she reads this but anyhow When Tom Joad joins the strike he ends up saying somthing like he might not be there in person, but he'll be all these things like the joy of their freedom type idea. Well this song goes (this took me forever to find)
He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room.
Just to hear her say "I love you" one more time
And when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye.
A little voice came on the phone
Said, "Daddy, when you coming home?"
He said the first thing that came to his mind:

I'm already there,
Take a look around.
I'm the sunshine in your hair,
I'm the shadow on the ground.
I'm the whisper in the wind,
I'm your imaginary friend.
And I know I'm in your prayers,
Oh, I'm already there.

She got back on the phone
Said, "I really miss you darlin’.
Don't worry about the kids, they'll be all right.
Wish I was in your arms,
Lyin’ right there beside you.
But I know that I’ll be in your dreams tonight.
And I’ll gently kiss your lips,
Touch you with my fingertips.
So turn out the light and close your eyes."

I'm already there,
Don't make a sound.
I'm the beat in your heart,
I'm the moonlight shining down,
I'm the whisper in the wind,
And I’ll be there to the end.
Can you feel the love that we share?
I'm already there

We maybe a thousand miles apart,
But I’ll be with you wherever you are.

I'm already there,
Take a look around.
I'm the sunshine in your hair,
I'm the shadow on the ground,
I'm the whisper in the wind,
And I’ll be there to the end.
Can you feel the love that we share?
Oh, I'm already there.
Oh, I'm already there.
(I"m Already There, by Lonestar)
I didn't bold anything I just found it like that but ok yea that song seems so sad to me, but when I woke up to it it seemed a really happy song till I could place a few of the words and hit me what song it was. O and another song that is a bit happier that I've been on my mind since Kallah is Lean on me:

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
ok so thats more than enough for probably most of you so I'll stop there, o and I love when people comment on my blogs whether it be on the site or in person, cuz it kind of lets me know who's reading it and that what I'm typing actually. . .(well this sounds kind of low self esteem but its not) matters. Hmm. . .so yea getting off and waiting on the comments ok one very last thing hehe this is my secret blog, awesomeness that was fun ok, ok now
the confused guy is finally signing off