dead champion

This time I feel like starting with my character:
He was introduced in the last post (I think)the dead champion. Kahrenn the incredibly loyal talented young man who did all he could even when betrayed. The champion of . . . what is good and what is innocent, what is right, and how things should be. yet I kill him in the first scene of the book. One of the two honest good hearted characters in the book, I kill off and the only one left is a pacifist.
Kahrenn tries so incredibly hard, in the face of the impossible and fails once and ends up dead,
and useless to continue his struggle. useless helpless to far from the living to far from those who matter to do anything.

yeah you can probably see links between me and him don't try to hard, because I fade back and forth between story and me.


Ok so there have been a thousand thoughts in my head; and as I type this they fade
and saying your tired is a wonderful excuse
especially when it looks like you haven't slept in three days or so I thought I looked, except that I had slept pretty decently
and. . .
ahh I think i've heard more stuff that seems so . . . .so. . . . so just absurd these last few days it just blows my mind
I mean some of the stuff said you would have an easier time convincing me Diedre was a man, then having me believe it
and then Matt hehe apparently remembered Diedre and after his embarassing rant on her hotness, he said next time he opens his mouth if someone would just punch him, right then and there and stop any further embarassment I just laughed and Susy, Susy was hinting me to tell him to stop. It was probably my happiest moment of the day only because of the irony of it all.
Ahh head's starting to hurt again ok so I'm done. ehh I'll give ya'll an evil quote of the post since this is my "hidden secretive evil blog" hehe it's pretty mean actually, and requires a bit of an explanation on where I found it to why I even have it but for now I'll just leave it as an attack on everyone cuz right now I could care less.

Anonymous writes:
I recently deconverted from Christianity, about a year ago. I had to do it for my own sanity. I was tired of being in a religion that promoted hate and violence more than love and peace. I was tired of being in a religion where the main deity supposedly tortured billions of people for all of eternity just for not following that religion. I was tired of hating myself because I wasn't good enough for anyone or god.

I have higher self-esteem now as a result of my deconversion than I did my whole life up til now. I have reconciled my personal beliefs (no prejudice, no hate, peace, etc.) with my spiritual ones.

If there is a god, it wouldn't demand that we worship it and torture us if we didn't. If there's not, then it doesn't matter.

Christianity is a myth and a cult that needs to be exposed for what it is. So many have been brainwashed into it. I hope that someday, we will have an age of reason where people don't take 2,000 year-old books literally and twist them to be an excuse for hatred and violence.

and for a happier note:
If you don't like where your life is going, no matter what your situation is, there is always a way out. Its not religion, its not suicide, it's not being suckered in by the traditional notions of jobs and responsibilities, or family....it's being secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, you can always react to the situation with a cool head, because YOU are the only one in control of yourself. Nothing else has any power over you, and you have the ability to alter any situation. Charge ahead and make your difference, whatever it is. Things will be okay, I promise. I've been there, and I have seen it all, from the basest most vile things in society, to the things that will make you weep with joy. You're the one in control of your life. Thats all. =)