Ferrari's band

Hey it's me, crashing kind of rapdily, and at the moment . . .really I think sickened is the best word. Right now I'm really sickened, a few moments ago there was a huge urge to yell certain profanity's but now i could care less. I hate putting myself in holes, and I hate being an ass. and I hate and hate and hate, and my rambling continues, bleh dee bleh dee bleh, and no one cares. You know whats really funny is that tomorrow is my bday and I'm gonna be giving myself a run for all time low of the year. Man I'm really good at this Valentines Day the first time I"ve had a gf and I'm in tears, my bday I"m depressed, and Passover, hell I probably felt like a slave, no not really I did get to go home, and this school can be so wonderful at times, but at othertimes it's just a fu'''ing school. IT's just like every other money making institution in the world operating on supply and demand, using beauocratic rules to guide itself, and caring nothing about the people, especially those it runs over.
In band were allowed a skip day were allowed to be late twice (each semester) with out any effects, and I may have been late once, all year, and have never ever skipped a day with out religious reasons, even when I felt sick. and yet I"m the one whose going to fail the damn class.
ok I"m calmer, kind of, and feel myself freezing over.
These next two weeks are going to be so much fun, kind of like, umm a piece of pie or hell, or somthing like that
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I seriously wanted to just jump out in front of the truck walking here.
and nothing against Bonnie, but she starts talking to me as I leave the band hall and I"m trying my hardest to keep my voice steady, and keep words decent which i struggle enough with when I"m fine.
My life should be all yay and so sad seniors are graduating, but right now huh I can't figure out how I'm going to fail band and keep my head on, or
how to do anything else and keep my head on.
and no I"m not failing cuz I suck or missed turning in, or passing off anything, if you care. I"m failing because I can't be on campus for this concert that's after school's over, after I"m required to have checked out of my room, during the graduation for seniors, which in my theory all grades should be in then if the seniors are graduating. But no I still have the one grade a 3 weeks after the final, that will automatically fail me.
and I could show up I could drive 4 hours from Houston to make it play and come back 4 hours, but not only is that 40 dollars in gas, it's also at a time that I can't really miss.
and now i'm back to just wanting to yell profanity's but I"m at work and starving cuz Ferrari kept us late so I didn't even have time to go run to my room and grab an orange.

Yay I love starving and failing and being pissed, and still showing up more than half the band, who will all get Fing A's

Huh
I wish I could cry.
Right now I'm somwhere between Swaedon, Oriom, really leaning on Oriam or maybe just Oriam, just not so extreme as he would be.
OK so right now life sucks my GPA is about to be destroyed by an easy A, and I should just lie and say it's a religious thing, but no I'm to F'ing honest to lie either.
Huh ok this ios meant to be over and done multiple times now
sp F*^$ one last time
and hopefully no one reads this for awhile
I love you all and thank you Diedre . . .for caring ??? i guess
and Amanda for . . . well just being a friend, excpet you'll never read this.
and if anyone else ever reads this you could tell me but either you won't read it or as always you won't admit to reading it.
but most likely the first because nobody really cares, that much
except Diedre and her . . .I don't even know I give upfjlksfdljksfijw4 9wetjoiesnlera