A LIFE 5/20/06

OK so my mind is a little more shaken than normal. I started my first day of lifeguarding for the City pool and the first hour I sat around talking and getting my stuff applying sun tan lotion, then I got up on stand I looked at my watch it's probably been 2 min, yay it's been 3 out of 20 I'm doing good just keep scanning don't get bored. After this I have to be vague and can't say much I've already screwed up confidentiality once. I've told some details to a few people I trust and my head is shaking the lifeguards are all nice and have kept me from freaking out. How do you just tell someone that though.


for those of you who don't know

I'm now 1 for 2

I saved someone!!
the only thing I technically did wrong was the way I jumped in which I could care less about.

If anyone cares my mistake was a few years ago end of the summer a little girl ran on a diving board slipped and got her foot caught in the rail on the diving board an inch taller and she would have cracked her head on the cement I yelled at my manager who was equal distance from me and didn't get off cuz I'ld have to clear the pool and attract all types of attention, so I let her do it the supervisor who was talking to her but facing the opposite direction just seemed to keep talking even after she left, and seemed to take 5 min to notice anything, anyhow technically I should have cleared the pool and gotten off stand to get her.

I really really want to say everything i really want to spill the details I hate being bottled up I want to yell out what I think I was wrong that everyone tells me I did right, but there's no one I can tell anything cuz it's either confidential and those people don't need to know so I can't tell them, or it's the high official people who I can't tell for legal reasons, otherwise I get screwed if anything happens, and I can't tell anyone else cuz there's always someone around and you can't let a patron know you did anything wrong ever, even if it's dealing with a paper cut wrong cuz of frickin publicity.

I learned don't trust . . . .ahhh I can't say anything

if you want to know ask, please, because I have to be very careful who hears this, but I really do want to get it off my chest, and if I don't tell you don't be offended, and I may say no and then later tell you,

I think I "m fine and for the most part I feel normal but then I get small little short moments where I just kind of I don't know.


Ok the great player of life and dealer of water is Swaedon I know my book facts are sucking it up, but once I find time and start writing again it should start getting better again.

some quotes:
"Don't not believe in god because of religion" to me from the only guy I know who who. . . is Rodrigo.
"This was a success story" Amy (pool manager) repeating what the Firemen said over and over.
"A man is led the way he wishes to follow."
- Huna, Talmud: Makkot, 10b
I have no particular taste for post-mortem immortality. I am immortal now, while I am gloriously alive.

- Rabbi Joel Blau, "My Uncertain God," 1924