winter

Apparently the winter is not my time for relationships, for some reason most my relationship issues are during the winter. Most notably in chronological order loss of Kristin and Diedre's break. This was gonna be called facebook because I'm so tired of facebook owning people's lives. It's almost as bad as WOW. Apparently if it says it on facebook its true, so I'm apparently not even Diedre's friend any more. OK "well it doesn't mean much [or anything, I can't remember which she said]. If it didn't mean anything you wouldn't have taken the time to unfriend me and all my friends, no it meant something to you. Yes, it is juvenile, yes it is pathetic, yes this post is also, yes its frustrating. Yes you do seem to be digging youself a bigger hole, and yes you should stop lying, of course I'm not even sure if you know how much your lying, maybe you think your being honest with me and thats the scariest part.
You don't know what your doing: Apparently I sent that last night, I remember sending a text and being pissed off, but if you want to know what it means here you go:
1st it has more than just one meaning:
1: You really have no idea what you are doing with this break, your wasting your time and my time.
2: You have no idea what your doing in life, this one was probably more me just being angry than true
3: You have no idea what your doing to me on 2 levels,
a) you underestimate what hell your putting me through
b) if you wanted a different me your making one, because your never getting the old me back
4: You are digging yourself in a larger and larger whole every time I talk to you e.g.
When you called me about Kayla in your offended fury, (cuz no one has any right judge you ever) I understood where you came from, thought it was funny you cared enough to unfriend me, only wanted to stab myself in the leg, which was good because that's the worst I wanted to do after talking to you (the best so far). But then I had 3 people have to whine about you to me, only one of which I even wanted to know you wanted a break but you made that readily obvious when you unfriended me, and them. They were mad at Kayla for messaging you, but really I can't say your any better.

I should be getting work done, I shouldn't be writing this, but I'm really getting sick and tired of your shit, I did everything you asked, I mean name one thing I wasn't working on or doing Sunday when you gave me your little your not good enough speech. You're right I'm probably not, but I doubt there's much of anyone that'll fare better.
Oh right there was one thing I didn't do I was still the same guy from hs, so I guess it turns out you weren't really in love with me but with someone you wanted me to be, cuz obviously me isn't good enough, I think thats one thing you've said enough times. If I'm wrong prove me wrong, tell me I'm wrong, explain this concept that I don't quite understand. Did I make you feel bad, did you even read this, ohhhh I'm sorry, I care to much for you, wait wait, thats the problem, crap, I can't get past saying I love you, I can't get past a fear of harming you, I can't get past the fear of losing you, well I guess you fixed that. I'm not allowed to say I love you, You manage to hurt yourself because I wasn't good enough, and for losing you, what do I even have left of you.
A girl who ignores me, until she feels confident in lying to me again. I can't really figure why you call me when you do, you ignore all of my calls, avoid aim when I"m on, not sure if its on purpose or not, and then call me to tell me hey I'm hanging out with friends again, so don't call me although again we won't do something cuz it cost money.
Whats funny is awhile ago when I went to go up I was going to force you to take money to have fun with or eat with, and not doing anything else, so you could do something with your friends you always think is to expensive, yeah well I wasn't allowed to go up and visit you why cuz you had hw and by hw you meant you had friends, that you wanted to do stuff with but wait didn't have money for so did nothing but hang out with them, which I'm not even allowed to do with you any more.

When you said break I really thought we really would still be friends about it, and I would be just an ordinary friend till you got your head straight, or you made me feel bad enough or figured something out, but Mark has about the same privlidges I do, then again you compare me to him anyways, so I shouldn't be surprised.

You want a new me, you've got it:
I guess last quotes from an old me:
"I should've been down when you made me insecure
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye
i'm the one you can never trust
'cause wounds are ways to reveal us
And yeah i could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours"

In case your still lost yes, that means now I'm doing things my way, unless you figure it out real quick, but what is there to figure out. Your awesome, I'm shit (until i get self respect), and you were nice to give the charity boy a soft let down, taking it in two steps. Thanks, for caring. I guess you'll cry and whine about this probably not to me, because why would you want to talk to me. Like always you'll go to your friends do stuff with them that you wouldn't let me do with you blame me for not letting you do that stuff, and then somehow make it my fault because its always my fault.

PS sorry no characters this was initially going to be the other blog, but I decided this wasn't everybody material