Mafia

The other me. . . I kind of feel split as of lately, but not like just in two as in a billion pieces theres happy me and game me, and the me that has no self confidence, theres me that wants everything to go well, me that cares only for life, a me that pops up every living vertebrate I see, theres day dreaming me, that remembers really odd other daydreams as I daydream but the moment I'm out of it, all the thoughts drift away, there's a me that misses Diedre more than anything, and a me thats wants to make her wait longer, since she seems so intent on how much I suck with out ever really saying that.

Theres me that wants to do service and me that smiles at hard work, theres a me that knows I"M gonna fail and doesn't care, and then there's one that does care, there's me that spiteful of everyone and everything, then there's a me that loves everyone and would rather die than make anyone frown, theres me that wants to argue a point and me that wants the arguing to stop, theres a me that really doesn't want to write this, and a me that doesn't car.
Me and Matt are about to go hunting and our hit list is down to two members.

i don't understand

I don't get it, I really don't everything's getting better, it really is. I'm home for a week and have time I dropped organic and should have more time and money, its Davids barmitzvah this week, I get to see family. My mom isn't killing me. . . yet
and yet I'm getting mroe and more frustrated I'm more and more tense, I can't be left alone or I get self destructive
I've some how gotten myself mad at her, and for what for nothing just me making up things in my head. Half of it that shes mad at me but I'm pretty confident she's not actually mad at me.
I decided I want to go back to writing my story and maybe I will have time for it now. but ahh its so frustrating
umm for my about my characters tidbit umm Alexanders hair may have been changed to blonde in reference to my room mate matt cuz they kind of do have some similiarities and Matt really thinks alexanders is pretty awesome. huh I miss so many people and wish I had some place of my own, I mean my room is about as close as possible but its not really mine my stuff isn't where I left it anyone can bother me, everyone knows where i am,
huh and I wanted to call her back but I nkew I shouldn't while she was out having fun
and all the she's are diedre (just a note for people who aren't inside my head)
ok so now that I'm done telling everyone my thoughts I'll go back to being self destructive or maybe watching Kristin's songs again (there utube done and have neat movies) ohh I miss everyone and am so tired and pessimistic and exhausted and I hear doors closing and don't want to deal with people, which doesn't even make sense oh well. I guess I'll be on later who knows when my next post will be.