missdirection
so I guess I should go clarify those links first.
bleep=cunt
stimuli=a lot of different things, some of these involve how honest should I be, some of these how hard should I try, some of these what is ok to say to people, sorry I'm still kind of coding everything, but I'm out of people to trust, and those I can, can ask me individually, but not leaving this out for just those interested enough. I hate drama, I hate dishonesty, I hate hiding, but those seem things I can't avoid, so I'm starting to be more normal, and I'm lying, I'm hiding things, and I'm more willing to create drama. So whatever, next link
events= ok on this one not quite sure what I was going for I think it was just visiting friends, the Science Academy and being scared of Burks.
thoughts=Ok so this is the most difficult part, its a true rant it involves how I love persons, hate people, and severely dislike the word persons. It has to do with why I can't stand our society, it even has to do with a love of life. I could go into it. But really if you care to know talk to me, I really stop caring to post just for readers, I'ld rather just have people.
Ok so its 3:00 Matt should get up for bfast in an hour, yes that is PM. We got to sleep at 4 am, so he likes his sleep, its funny how dysfunctional he is, and yet how I so far prefer that to pretty much everyone else. I mean while I"m throwing out insults, its frustrating that when I'm with him I pretty much can't hang out with other friends, because hes gotten to the point where he thinks meeting people is pointless, he's so lost faith in humanity that he'ld rather not know any one. He has delusions of this dream Socialist steam punk paradise, which he knows is a delusion, and which half is more I think is questionable to both of us, not because of the lack of realism but because of the lack of people to do anything. Matt is more honorable than most, while he still lives at home, and hates what he's doing with his life, he really is loyal to those hes loyal to, he doesn't hide his distaste of people or things, he keeps his values, he cares more than most people, and oddly for people, even though he seems so disgusted with them. He's one of the few I think that sort of agrees with me, and yet hasn't been so brainwashed by society that he can actually do what he says. His real flaw the only one I really count against him despite all that i've said that counts against society but I really say because I refuse to give compliments without riddling people I respect with insults. His one flaw is the flaw that so many people have but he has it more, Diedre isn't immune from this either, but with her its more just sad that she will settle for mediocre, for Matt its not only sad for him but he might really do things, but my stupid philosophy of next to noninterpherence will stop me. Ok so attempt 3 Matt's flaw is seeing what he wants to do . . . and not doing anything, the answer to life, and the more I live it the more I believe it, is when you see something you want to do, just do it. Don't worry about consequences failure, or anything jsut do it. . . NOw if you really care. . . this is where problems occur, and why you can have one thing if you want it bad enough, but two is questionable. If you really care, then you may not go for something if it involves someone else, which is most everything, so then you have to decide do you go for just your one thing or your one person, or do you try to find some balance, and I'm tired of balance, because I balanced for a very long time and now I have nothing, except the things I threw off the balance . . .as ironic as that is. I make a terrible friend, and thats all I will ever be, maybe not true, but I have a hard time seeing life going any other path. I so much disgust in people and myself, and everything that to have a relationship that anyone requires to be sane I lack. Yet I know how small of a thing it would take for me to be in a relationship, its the thing I secretly crave most, its what caused me to mistakes, only one at the moment really seems like a mistake. I don't understand how 5 years means nothing. How all I can do is count it as loss, I guess I can count the friends I made through it. . . 2
Everyone else, I'm not allowed to talk to. . . I"m hardly allowed to think of. Diedre's score by the way is sort of dead she had 2 counts going let me figure out what they've been reduced to.
-20 and 60, still trying to be lenient, but finding it difficult to find reasons. but whatever her loss. . .the irony is the attitude is supposebly based on the score, which is this in my head ironic loop. OK, so Oriam has a boring face, and Swaedon's perfection isn't quite so perfect and he wears long robes, in part just to hide all his scars or to him symbols of failure and reminders of why to always be vigilant and careful about every detail.
bleep=cunt
stimuli=a lot of different things, some of these involve how honest should I be, some of these how hard should I try, some of these what is ok to say to people, sorry I'm still kind of coding everything, but I'm out of people to trust, and those I can, can ask me individually, but not leaving this out for just those interested enough. I hate drama, I hate dishonesty, I hate hiding, but those seem things I can't avoid, so I'm starting to be more normal, and I'm lying, I'm hiding things, and I'm more willing to create drama. So whatever, next link
events= ok on this one not quite sure what I was going for I think it was just visiting friends, the Science Academy and being scared of Burks.
thoughts=Ok so this is the most difficult part, its a true rant it involves how I love persons, hate people, and severely dislike the word persons. It has to do with why I can't stand our society, it even has to do with a love of life. I could go into it. But really if you care to know talk to me, I really stop caring to post just for readers, I'ld rather just have people.
Ok so its 3:00 Matt should get up for bfast in an hour, yes that is PM. We got to sleep at 4 am, so he likes his sleep, its funny how dysfunctional he is, and yet how I so far prefer that to pretty much everyone else. I mean while I"m throwing out insults, its frustrating that when I'm with him I pretty much can't hang out with other friends, because hes gotten to the point where he thinks meeting people is pointless, he's so lost faith in humanity that he'ld rather not know any one. He has delusions of this dream Socialist steam punk paradise, which he knows is a delusion, and which half is more I think is questionable to both of us, not because of the lack of realism but because of the lack of people to do anything. Matt is more honorable than most, while he still lives at home, and hates what he's doing with his life, he really is loyal to those hes loyal to, he doesn't hide his distaste of people or things, he keeps his values, he cares more than most people, and oddly for people, even though he seems so disgusted with them. He's one of the few I think that sort of agrees with me, and yet hasn't been so brainwashed by society that he can actually do what he says. His real flaw the only one I really count against him despite all that i've said that counts against society but I really say because I refuse to give compliments without riddling people I respect with insults. His one flaw is the flaw that so many people have but he has it more, Diedre isn't immune from this either, but with her its more just sad that she will settle for mediocre, for Matt its not only sad for him but he might really do things, but my stupid philosophy of next to noninterpherence will stop me. Ok so attempt 3 Matt's flaw is seeing what he wants to do . . . and not doing anything, the answer to life, and the more I live it the more I believe it, is when you see something you want to do, just do it. Don't worry about consequences failure, or anything jsut do it. . . NOw if you really care. . . this is where problems occur, and why you can have one thing if you want it bad enough, but two is questionable. If you really care, then you may not go for something if it involves someone else, which is most everything, so then you have to decide do you go for just your one thing or your one person, or do you try to find some balance, and I'm tired of balance, because I balanced for a very long time and now I have nothing, except the things I threw off the balance . . .as ironic as that is. I make a terrible friend, and thats all I will ever be, maybe not true, but I have a hard time seeing life going any other path. I so much disgust in people and myself, and everything that to have a relationship that anyone requires to be sane I lack. Yet I know how small of a thing it would take for me to be in a relationship, its the thing I secretly crave most, its what caused me to mistakes, only one at the moment really seems like a mistake. I don't understand how 5 years means nothing. How all I can do is count it as loss, I guess I can count the friends I made through it. . . 2
Everyone else, I'm not allowed to talk to. . . I"m hardly allowed to think of. Diedre's score by the way is sort of dead she had 2 counts going let me figure out what they've been reduced to.
-20 and 60, still trying to be lenient, but finding it difficult to find reasons. but whatever her loss. . .the irony is the attitude is supposebly based on the score, which is this in my head ironic loop. OK, so Oriam has a boring face, and Swaedon's perfection isn't quite so perfect and he wears long robes, in part just to hide all his scars or to him symbols of failure and reminders of why to always be vigilant and careful about every detail.
posted by Scott | 2:13 PM
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