Don't panic

I'm doing well I think, aside from the kind of half almost mini panic attacks, and the lack of stability in my head (more so than normal. . . I think).
UPDATE:
I guess I'll start with the newest stuff first

BRANDON is now in the AIRFORCE week 1 of boot camp. It kind of makes me feel like an only child, although has me in and out of paranoid worry for him. . .to be honest I'm worried more when he gets out of bootcamp, that some idiot's gonna attack the mechanics.

Second is I'm not sure if I'm getting over David if its getting worse or better, most the panic attack type things are on behalf of him. SO ok description of panic attack thing:
Shortness of breath, rapid breathing, kind of stunned in place in whatever I'm doing, lasts less than 15 seconds.
Anyhow, I miss him, and I still say its not fair. I don't think I'm going into the fair thing.

3rd I'm pissed at me, cuz Diedre is still fucking with my head. . . and I haven't even talked to her in forever, I think it bothers me that she was so insistent she wanted to be my friend, and I tried so hard, to keep enough distance to let her be comfortable. Also kind of offended that she can call herself David's brother for 5 years, but didn't have the time of day to show up to his funeral or help with his walk, but I know not to expect more out of her, thats just Diedre. She's not trying to be offenisve, and she probably believes she couldn't make it.

Anyhow the real reason I'm pissed, has nothing to do with that those are just boiling thoughts that keep me from blaming me. But I'm all missing a cuddle buddy so badly, and it hit me real hard while I was messing around with Charlotte, and then all of a sudden middle of pretending to steal Chris's gf I was like crap I really want to be all cuddly and so was like, nope take arm away from the charlotte, stupid wanting to have gf.
Then Paola asked if I wanted to hang out, and I'm still confused but I think I prefer it that way.
She invited me to a movie, then we went out for food, I assumed after that we were heading home. . . which I guess she was heading home. . . instead of back to my car, so then we watched some tv movies, till 3 (which I thought was fine since i didn't work till 3 (forgetting i vollunteer at 9)). But its like I still remember her saying very firmly she was not looking for any relationships just a friend. For a tiny bit she tried to get me hooked up with her friend but I was to busy to make it to any parties. But the whole time my head was like make a move, make a move, make a move.
Anyhow I think I prefer the confused state, cuz then it leaves me in this position where she doesn't know me or my friends well enough to spread anything i say, I like/trust her enough to stuff I probably shouldn't to her, and yet I can't fuck things up, because I'm fairly confident nothing can come out of it. So she's just kind of a safe person.

Ok so character facts,
that book is so not doing well. I was thinking that maybe the villain for book 2 needs to be pushed back to book 3 or 4, or maybe start in 2 and end later. I also learned Chid's design is based off of faulty information i misunderstood from like freshman year of hs.