exhausted

Yesh esh yesh esh there is fire there is fire!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh wait I'm tired exhausted I need sleep
I'll get extra sleep wait how did I lose sleep
I don't have an alarm at 8:00 It's 8:00!!
I miss . . . Ohh am I homesick
hmm. . . volleyball
interviewed. . . ooo oo almost special
man I suck
I'm not any good either
I'm gonna pass out
I'm gonna leave it for tomorrow
I hope everything's . . . yeah
homophobic fight??
10 days en yisrael
zombie cars
jump off a cliff free falling with arms outstretched and the wind in your face with a sunset in the distance and land on a big spike where your heart is


ok so that was a quick overview of my thoughts. . .
for the longer version ok: lets see in that order

Yesh esh yesh esh there is fire there is fire!!!!!!!!!!!
yesh esh there is fire yay I knew what the fire was study abroad sounds like it could be awesome but it won't fit in my schedule or in my life, or even in my Diedre hehe, and my life is on fire how about you that's the way I like it cuz I never get bored, wait I don't mind having an easy life dang it.

Oh wait I'm tired exhausted I need sleep
Yeah loss of sleep over long period of time, starts to take a toll, the big problem comes though when you try to catch up and you ended up losing more. . . and god that sucks waking up when class is supposed to start and sprinting and then having some other kid slowly stoll in after you, and the professor not care, while I'm a sweating pile that can barely stand, and it always helps when you feel like crap to have the first lesson you didn't know before the class started.

I'll get extra sleep wait how did I lose sleep
like I said earlier losing sleep and then tried to make up by goint to bed at 10 instead of 12 and got to bed at 10:30 but then realized had to be lifeguarding at 6 and had to be up at 5:30, I know that's 7 hours of sleep but I slowly die if I don't get 9 or if I do stuff at odd hours I need that much sleep

I don't have an alarm at 8:00 It's 8:00!!
wake up: 6it's 6:56 oh I'm tired I'll wait for one of my other 2 alarms *fall asleep*
beep beep beep *think: Oh that's my alarm what time is it *look at watch
I don't have an alarm at 8:00 It's 8:00!! thats when chem starts and I sprint to get all my stuff in a pile luckily grab my keys and flea, to class and begin my crappiest and most painful day of college yet, for my details ask but I highly doubt you read this far if you do comment on it.

I miss . . . Ohh am I homesick
well it started with I miss Diedre and then I miss Kristin and I miss Daniel and I miss Chelle and I miss band and then I miss my family, and I miss Rigo and Brian and I miss Amanda, and Ginny and Amy (my artificial half sisters lol(more stuff you can ask about and maybe be rewarded for :P)) and I miss USY and it just kept going

hmm. . . volleyball
I watched half a game of college volleyball there were 2 games going on, my side we were up 30 to 23 and it was half time or somthing of the sort and on the other court we were losing 23 to 30 lol yeah ok so next

interviewed. . . ooo oo almost special
yeah I got interviewed for someones FYS project to prove that the creative process for writing was a TAZ (temporary Autonomous Zone) but yeah oh and I was chosen cuz I've been writing a story hehe you should be able to tell since part of it is at the end of every one of these posts now, but he would have used a tape for his interview but he didn't have the right name to be able to find it so he used me cuz I was the next best thing lol I always seem to be

man I suck
yeah that refers to jazz band I sucked it up yesterday. a whole lot

I'm not any good either
referring to tennis I din't win a single game and only 2 people out there were really better than me and until brandon mentioned it I really only played one game where I wasn't against one of them, and losing one of one isn't too bad

I'm gonna pass out
I skipped bfast dismorning cuz of the 8:00 late thing
and then couldn't find my idea for lunch was panicked lacking sleep had been doing work all day, and was like if I don't eat I"m gonna pass out during chem lab that's too long with to much pressure.

I'm gonna leave it for tomorrow
yeah same lab I did 4 runs and ran out of sample and had one good the last one was awesome but forgot to check where the titration started and so was like yeah I'll leave it for next weeks lab cuz he said I could and if in the next 4 I can't get more than one good run I'll just make up a starting point. and we have lab once a week so it's not really tomorrow

I hope everything's . . . yeah
ask if you want to know

homophobic fight??
ok so there's a guy named Colt across the hall who apparently was laughing at homosexuals, and then in one of his quad mates papers he said how they used to light a homo on fire and send him running into the woods to light the woods on fire and burn the witches (where the term faggot came from). So Colt starts laughing and the guys paper whose it is, Travis apparently layed the smack down on him I think only verbally but I wasn't there. and Colt is kind of homophobic so yeah ok

10 days en yisrael
so much for being homesick christmas break I might spend 10 days in Israel, for free awesomeness my dream and able to pay for it.
and if you noticed one english one spanish one hebrew and one number all of my possible languages.

zombie cars
first Diedre's, then my parents, then Joanna's (girl across the hall) any how zombie car means it died and how to get replacement parts to reanimate it hehe

jump off a cliff free falling with arms outstretched and the wind in your face with a sunset in the distance and land on a big spike where your heart is
if you read this much and you care to know ask but none of yall will well one will 2 will think of it if a third one reads it, it will cross her minds, ok taking bets how much hehe

ok so my characters well to have an idea how much what yall do effects my story
ok when everything went wrong friend nearly fled country people seemed to be dying left and right, my gf broke up with me, just about everything that could go wrong did, umm. . .

all my characters died, then while I was sitting think about how much life sucks, I decided that wasn't fair, for one it was cheap to just kill them all off, for two half of them wanted to die or couldn't really die so easily, so I decided I would make it as painful as possible for each one. Becuase that was more fair, death felt easier at the moment, then the hell I felt like but that's ok, cuz that's what life is minihells' to let you know that things could be worse when your not in one right??

Piano Man

People are weird, especially me. . . so. . .
you ever find somthing that gives you this (horrible??, miserable?? or just ) bad feeling and you hear it or do it or see it, or find it one way or another but rather than turn it off, you kind of become addicted you can't let it go, you just have to hear it again,
hmm. . .
attempt 2
you ever listen to somthing once and it makes you feel one away and then do it again and it make you feel so incredibly different that had any brain or emotion machine were to be on you there would be no way to tell it was the same thing that created the effect. Well if you can't tell where this is going I did, :'P
attempt 3
you ever hear a song and it makes you feel awesome you feel just like an explosion of energy in your chest, and you laugh and you know what you really like and you realize that its not that you like all music you actually don't like almost any of it, none of it does anything for you but this one song, this one amazing sound, it makes you smile, like when you do somthing perfect, and you know it couldn't have been done better by anyone in the world, by any machine, by anything in existance, and it makes you smile, cuz you know that you did it right. :'P
and so you play the song again feeling as awesome as almost can be, and then . . . :'P
attempt 4
you ever hear the most wonderful song you've ever heard you've heard it before but not like this one time, and so you play it again, and instead of feeling even greater it's almost depressing, but you play it again, and it does it again, and you continue playing it not to feel awesome but becuase you can't get away from the feeling in the pit of your stomache, and so , you play it again, and again. ;'P
more junk
I'm not depressed, I'm not sad, I'm fine, and I'm not addicted to any songs, or any thing else short of life and Diedre, but that might just be the problem, that the song seems to be a pretty good crowed for a saturday and the manager gives me a smile cuz he knows that its me that their coming to see . . . man what are you doing here oh la diddy da la diddy da da dum, sing us song your the piano man, sing us a song tonight while were all in the mood for a melody and you've got a spirit alright, and it's over again and it's kind of sad but I'll play again and now you've heard my toght of the day and so for the char (ps I didn't mean I needed to be addicted to more I meant the song reminds me of life and a Diedre)
char
So lets see this still feels like a thought of Swaedon, except from his view it almost seems like cutting himself for fun except doing it of the mind instead of the body and that saddens me, so maybe I'll stop for now, but basically he has no care for himself, and really none for anyone else, he feels betrayed by the world, and can not understand his own drive to survive yet he does anyways he hates himself and when he started he was the only one I knew, but as he developed so did many friends and its kind of a saddening too. and I still have the rythum of the piano man and it's still rhyming in me, and so I'll stop right now and save you all grief from me
la diddy da la diddy da da dum, duh duh duh dum
so now ow ow the band kid signs off, the kid who feels like a failing romantic will leave you all alone. soo have lots of fun and the greatest of luck on all of your journeys to be, and thanks for reading this it means much to me I thank you all all,
so now the jew band kid of failed romantics will leave you todah (and mwah)

useless

You ever realize you don't really have a purpose,
your goals have been reached
but you can't make a difference that matters, you can save a bug from being squashed but he's still gonna die
you can make someone smile but you can't stop them from frowning
If life is like a rollercoaster than I can raise the peaks and maybe the middle but the low points I can't touch
It doesn't seem to matter where I am a stranger, a friend, a best friend, a family member, a. . .but I'm me I sit on the sideline and wish I could help but no it's not my place not my time, its there problem I can't but in, and when I finally . . . ahh I'm making things worse as I always do, so I'm wrong I can touch the bottom of a rollercoaster, just when I try to raise it up it always falls
Hmm. . . I remember a lot of things when I feel like this, like "computer" or somthing like that from Daniel's blog but I'm not like that, I wish they would use me even if they forgot me at least I would be worth somthing,
but people claim to miss me and they prolly really do, and people claim they like me and maybe they really do, but I have yet to find when I"ve gotten someone out of a tight spot, been there to comfort anyone when they were sad, helped out on a homework assignment anything, let me help you anyone, thats what I do, thats why I exist,
This seems to fit one of Swaedon's few emotions, I think that will be al about the characters for this post I don't feel like saying much
well the friend is now signing off
have wonderful lives

P.S. why the fuck is everyone allowed to think negatively about themselves but me when I do it people whine complain beg me not to and I promise to be positive yet everyother god damn person that seems to matter other than Daniel seems to hate themselves. thanks